#228 - How I Learned to Speak Up at Work Without Torching the Whole Thing Down

You have worked too hard to stay silent about what you need. But speaking up at work is one of the scariest things to do especially when your career is on the line.

So how do you do it without blowing everything up?

In this episode, you'll hear about:

• What happened when Salisha was cast as a swing in one of the most demanding dance shows on Broadway and why it almost broke her
• The moment she had to be radically honest with her employers even if it meant losing the job
• How she handled a wig situation on stage with grace and got what she needed without burning a single bridge
• Why keeping it bottled up is never the move and what to do instead
• The real difference between being difficult and being your own best advocate

You've been in rooms that were not built for you.
You've probably smiled through things that did not feel right.
You have stayed quiet when you had every right to speak.

What if the conversation you have been avoiding is the one that changes everything?

CHAPTERS
[00:26] Still very pregnant and batch recording in these streets
[01:00] How I learned to speak up without losing my job
[01:27] Why hard conversations feel icky and why you have to have them anyway
[02:28] Not all workplace problems are created equal
[03:01] Being cast as a swing in a very dancy Broadway show
[05:31] The moment I realized I was not crazy and this was just hard
[06:41] I called my agent and said get me out of here
[07:45] Making the decision to be honest even if it costs me the job
[09:22] When I actually tried to quit
[10:06] How your hair and your confidence are more connected than you think
[11:20] The gentle way to have the conversation that needs to be had
[13:00] You have to learn how to advocate for yourself

@salishathomas @thesalishashow, www.thesalishashow.com

Many thanks to Gotham Network in NYC, TyNia Brandon for writing and laying vocals down for the updated theme song and Big Red Studios for the intro video wherever you watch the latest season of The Salisha Show!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hello, what's up? It's me, Salisha. Welcome back to another episode of the Silicia Show. I'm here in Midtown Manhattan at Gotham Production Studios and still very, very pregnant, trying to batch record as much as I can because it's hard for me to move in these streets, you guys. But I want to talk to you today about how I learned how to speak up without losing my job. That can be something kind of difficult to do. If there's something that you need and you want to get your point across, you want to communicate, hey, this isn't working. How do you do that without ruffling feathers, without being difficult, without losing your job? Well, there's a couple things I have to say to that. Depending on what it is, you might actually need to be prepared to lose your job, depending on what it is. Or you just you have to advocate for for yourself. I am I'm not great with confrontation. I'm actually horrible. I'm horrible when it comes to having to like bring up something hard, a hard conversation. I'm not really great at those. However, I'm learning over time that I'm I am getting much better at initiating it when it needs to be done. It helps me in my marriage. If there's something that Andrew did that really hurt me, I cannot not say anything. I have to tell him so that we can resolve it. And then as soon as it's resolved, it feels so healing. But bringing it up can feel awkward at first. It can feel like icky or crunchy, it feels not good. But talking about it always feels much better. And and not being passive aggressive around it, but really just being honest and communicating what needs to be communicated so that you can get to the other side of it. So that helps me in my in my own personal relationship, but at work it can be tricky. And so I said, well, it depends on what it is. It it's different if it's like, well, it could be different, maybe not, if it's like a wig problem versus a dressing room problem versus like a racism or gender issue problem, or maybe it's something else. Like when I was at Once Upon a One More Time at the Marquee Theater on Broadway, the Britney Spears musical, there was a lot of things happening. Okay. That's an understatement. That is an understatement. There was a lot of things happening. I was a swing. I was swinging 12 roles and at first, and it was wild. It was so wild and crazy, and there was only two female swings. I'm like, how is this possible? Like, this is a big cast, and there's a lot of dancing in this. If you know me, I can move. I can I can move this body and I can move on beat. Would I consider myself a pop commercial dancer? Heck no. Absolutely not. And in my audition for that show, I did the robot when we had like freestyle. I'm like, let me do the robot so that they know what to expect. Like, I this girl next to me just did a triple pirouette into the splits. And I'm giving you the robot. I am not trying to fool you here. I am showing you who I am. So fast forward to me being cast as the swing in this very dancy show. I'm like, what? Did they know that they cast me on purpose? Like, this is uh is this a mistake? So we get to Broadway. Uh-oh, the baby's kicking. Oh Lord Jesus. Oh God, please, honey. We get to Broadway, to the rehearsals leading up to Broadway, and it's getting hard. Like, I'm like, you guys, I'm really struggling here. And I remember looking at my friend Ashley being like, I can't do this. Like, I literally can't do this. And she points, she points and says, like, look over here. And I won't say his name, even though I could, and it would add so many layers to this. But somebody who I consider to be one of the best dancers that I have ever witnessed on Broadway, who has done one bajillion shows. My friend is pointing to him, and I look over, and he has tears in his eyes, and he has left rehearsal. Like he's walked out and he went into the hallway to cry. Why? Because it was so hard for him. I'm like, okay, so I am not crazy. This shit is hard. This is like really hard. It's hard for people who are actual dancers. This is okay. Okay, so I'm not crazy. I knew why I was there. I was there to cover the leads. I was there to be like a vocal, like to vocally be able to cover like the princesses. I knew that. They didn't put me in this show because I was the best dancer. I wasn't. And um, but my my counterpart, she was a great singer, but she was also um, she was an incredible dancer. So I'm like, I get what they're going for, but we're both responsible for all of it. So it was all fun and games until I got thrown on for the girl Liv, who is in a back bend. I'm like, I can't do that. I guess what I'm getting at is I ended up getting thrown on in rehearsal for one of the roles that I really struggled to do. And not only did I fail miserably, it was dangerous because we're all like basically running around on stage. And I just had a complete meltdown. After that happened, I'm like, that can't happen again. That can't happen in rehearsal, let alone on stage. It's not safe. I call my agents, I'm like, Dustin, you gotta get me out of here. I don't think, I don't think I can, I can't do this. They're gonna fire me. They're going to fire me. And he just kept saying, You're there for a reason. Hang in there. You're there for a reason. I'm like, oh my gosh. We had this conversation at least three times. Eventually, I was like, yeah, no, I'm sucking all over the place. And I made a decision. What is the most important thing? My peace of mind. Because right now, going to work every day became so stressful. It became so stressful. I'm like, I don't physically know if I can do this. And mind you, I would go and rehearse for an hour, two hours every day after our eight-hour day of rehearsal. Like it, I was putting in the time, I was getting there early, I was staying late, I was doing all these things, and it just wasn't enough. So, and everybody on the team was so gracious to me, so kind to me. Nobody was giving me a hard time for like struggling. Nobody was. But I had to go to them and I was like, you guys, I I gotta be honest with you, if you were to put me on for X, Y, or Z role, it's not gonna be good. And I wanted to let you know so that you aren't shocked. I I don't want to put you in a position where you feel like, oh gosh, what do we do? I'm letting you know, like I can't, I'm not, I'm not the I'm not a I'm not the one for it. And it was scary to go into the office basically telling them, like, hey, you can't put me on for these roles, knowing they could say, then there's the door, like figure it out or leave. But that's a risk that I had to take. That was a risk that I had to take because what's the alternative? I pretend and I stay, and then I get thrown on during an evening performance with an audience on Broadway, and then everyone finds out then oh no, that that would be way worse. So I had I did have to be willing to get let go in that moment when I w was transparent with them of my skill level at certain things, and I did that three times. I tried to tell them or and or quit. I actually did try to quit. And I think that's one of the things about it is like depending on the level of what you're trying to communicate to your boss, what whatever industry that you're in, you kind of have to be willing to walk away at some point. There are other things I talked about hair, like there's been situations where like, oh man, I did not feel good in the wigs that they put me in. And as an actor, like as a person, shoot, your hair, what you have on your head is part of your identity. If you don't feel good in it, it kind of resonates through the rest of your body and then and um influences how you move about the stage, about life, whatever that is. Like it like informs a lot of who you are. Like when my hair is like straight and down my back, I act different than when my hair is like fun and curly and big and high up and round and afro. It's it gives me a whole different vibe. Same thing as on stage. It's like when I feel like a million bucks, this is how I this is how confident I am. When I feel like I look crazy, my confidence is at a two or less. And so the answer is not to go on stage and pout or to say something rude in your microphone under your breath. The answer is not to talk behind the designer's back. No, that is not the answer. Like, you can't, I would encourage you to grow a pair to know what you need and to bring as much kindness and gentleness to the situation as possible. Because somebody designed it, that's their work, just like you have your own artist work. You don't want to step on toes, you don't want to offend anybody, but also you have to advocate for yourself for many reasons. Sometimes it's because there's somebody coming up after you. And so if you don't speak up for you, somebody else is going to have to go through the same thing when it's your turn to leave. Okay. So that might help. But what like when it came to hair, I don't think I went to the designer himself. Not in that show, by the way. Oh my gosh. No, not in Once Upon a One More Time, but this is a different, just another random show that I did throughout the years. I went to the person who was like my day-to-day contact for the hair, and I just pulled her aside privately and I expressed like, hi, I am loving all of like you guys are working so hard. Um, but in this particular look, I don't, I don't feel my best. Is there anything that we can do to make this work a little bit more for my face shape? I think I even threw myself under the bus a little bit. Like, look at my forehead. Look how big my forehead is. I need a bang. I gotta cover up my forehead. Is there any way we can bring this down a little bit? And making it feel like it's not them, it's me. And you know what? Like, it did go a long way. Something that started off so cringe and so like, what am I gonna do? It really resolved itself quickly once I brought it up in a gentle way, not a and put them in a place where they didn't have to be defensive, but instead they wanted to open up a conversation. So that is my encouragement to you. No matter what it is for you, I think the first step is don't keep it all bottled up, but find a safe person who you can talk to who might be able to either point you in the right direction or deliver the note or what you need effectively for you to the person that needs to get the message. So you can do this, stay strong. Everything that you need and want is possible. But you gotta, you have to you have to learn how to advocate for yourself. And I believe in you. Stay strong, see you next week.